23rd May 2016
Over the years I have discussed love and relationships with most of my clients and one thing that has stood out is that a lasting, loving relationship takes effort and nurturing. It is not something that just 'happens'. So here are my top 10 tips to keep love alive!
1 Always be excited to see each other when you walk through the door. Even if you’ve had a hard day, greet your partner with a hug, kiss and a smile. It will set the mood as a positive one. You can talk about your difficulties later, by which time you won’t feel as bad about it anyway!
2 Work on your own self esteem – don’t rely on the other person to prop you up. Be as happy as you can as an individual and make your relationship something you want not something you need.
3 If you have children don’t put them before your relationship. It may seem harsh but all too often I see clients who have put their children ahead of everything and are paying the price. Ultimately if you have a strong, happy and loving relationship your children will feel the benefit of this in ways that are much more important than undivided attention. They will feel part of a safe, secure unit and also have a great role model for what a relationship should be.
4 Don’t hold on to anger after a row, let it go quickly. Don’t try and ‘win’ an argument as often in reality there is no right answer anyway, especially if it’s just down to differing opinions. But constantly wanting to be right may be the downfall of your relationship. Is it really that big a deal?
5 Don’t focus on the negatives of the relationship all the time, instead focus on what you love about the other person and what makes you happy.
6 Put away your phones! When you are in the room together, BE in the room together. When you are half- heartedly listening to your partner while you scroll through social media it will create a distance. That leads nicely to number 7……
7 Keep your relationship details off social media. A truly happy, secure couple don’t need to ‘prove’ they are. Live it, don’t post about how in love you are.
8 Don’t be afraid of seeking help from therapist if you are stuck in a rut. A third party can help you shift.
9 Don’t role your eyes and tut at your partner. These are a sign of contempt. Psychologists have long discovered that the number one cause of divorce or separation is contempt for a partner. Contempt can grow easily so watch how you are reacting.
10 It goes without saying, keep up the physical intimacy. Without this you are just friends. Even if you aren’t in the mood, making the effort will keep your love alive and the more you do it, the more you will want to!